i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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