she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
