dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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