she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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