I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
