"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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