can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
my being single is dangerous.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
