You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
And then he peed in my hair
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