True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
