I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
