I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
