Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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