I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
