The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
