can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
