I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
