he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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