I want to have your abortion
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize