she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
