okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize