The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
and i looked up. we had an audience...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
