Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
