I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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