Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
