those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
