My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
