you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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