'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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