she was so not down for the gang bang
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
