i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
i believe in u and ur pee
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
