And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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