i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
