She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
