I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
