Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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