and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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