Kiss
Puke
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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