you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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