If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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