you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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