True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
