He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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