I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize