my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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