the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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