I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Only a mothe r could love this liver
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
