So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
