he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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