Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
