When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
