This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Dick very happy bro
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
