How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
