Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
