It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize