Me too!
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize