wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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