I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You are the jesus of drinking
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
