So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
