why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
