Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Your penis caused this!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
