Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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