So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize