Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I stole a fireplace last night.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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