im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
