Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
