I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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