I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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