Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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