did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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