its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm at about main and main street
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
