So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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