yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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