She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
